Big Beautiful Chaos A Love Letter to Night City: 1 Of ???

Hey! New week same me, no wait, that can't be right? We grow and change everyday. This weeks news letter was a bit of a mystery to me I started the week off in a pretty low place for myself, and then there's just the general vibes. The world feels way fucking off. People feel way off. Everything is just feeling a little bit off angle and while I'm not worried about it toppling, I would like it to balance out so my stomach won't feel like it's about to hit the drop on Tower of Terror (Side Note: Look up people doing glam shots on Tower of Terror, I now have a new goal.) And while I'm doing my best daily, which does vary everyday, sometimes your best isn't enough even for yourself. Remember: Don't tear yourselves down! Sometimes we wake up and all we got is twenty percent which is our best that day. We need a recharge. We need a vacation. While, I'm in no place to rent an Airbnb or go on any sort of vacation I can at least get away digitally. And when life gets tough on me, I always go back to one of my favorite places on earth: Night City. Funnily enough, I just read a ton of William Gibson and had no idea that Night City existed in his world too, I mean of course, man is writing cyberpunk which the game Cyberpunk 2077 is in relation and conversation with. It's just one of those, the more you know.

I recently upgraded my PC a thing I don't really have the money for currently, but having the sixth sense for certain things that I do, I was correct in beating my PC to the punch as to it starting to show its age. It's been about five years when I originally built my first (this) PC and I'd only updated the graphics card since - recently - last year. A hefty update but nothing substantial. I really got the card so I could run Alan Wake 2 without my PC scolding me every time I booted it up, saying I was making a grave mistake and playing with not just fire but in the fire. Now with the help of payment plans I was able to throw in a new CPU, motherboard and RAM. Initially it was just going to be the CPU but then my friend who is much more computer savvy than me reminded me of the generation upgrades that have been made since building my PC, meaning parts weren't going to fit or work. Hmmm a reflection of self? Anyways, now I have a monster of PC that can run Cyberpunk 2077 without losing frames (it looks real pretty in motion), pair that with the feelings of worldly woes above and I've got the perfect cocktail to get lost in Night City again, hang at some old haunts and visit some old friends.

Night City is a place I can go to when I'm feeling down, were I know I'll be welcome with open chromatic arms. Its a the place that won't say no to me. It's a warm blanket wrapping me in digital neons of bombastic ads lapping at me to feel an explosion of flavor. A clerks reaction to the threads I'm looking at, from a part of town I'm not normally in, and being met with a beat or buy it attitude. It's the hot baked sun as I make my way past all the glitz, glamor and gore of Night City to the mirage that is the sweeping deserts of a nomad escape trying to push as far out from the world as they can but still being tied to it. Night City is my playground and I'm thankful the sandbox is there. It's a controlled environment of chaos where I know even if I'm being chased along a rain drenched highway during the final big race, I'm going to come out the other side on top. And no I'm not talking about winning the race. This is a well known quest in Cyberpunk 2077 were you, V our focal point help your friend Claire make peace with her husbands death. It's a quest line I've done numerous times now and it still gets me every time in new ways. Watching our pursuant crash into the same light pole. Stepping out into the soaked neon pavement with Clair. Asking her if she's making the right decision. Hearing the gunshot ring out and the confidence of knowing she has. Finally, the long drive back to her garage to part ways until the next time I see her at Afterlife the bar she works at. Whenever that is. And whenever that is is just fine.

With this most recent play in the sandbox I'm caught thinking about my life and the daily lives of... well everyone. A topic I'm not unfamiliar with. It's the reason I studied social sciences in collage with a major in anthropology. I fucking love people. And with this most recent parting between Claire and V, I couldn't help but think of all the people I love in my life just trying to move through their own lives in whatever ways they can. These are people I love and care for deeply. There's not many of them, which could be viewed as sad but that's another thing I'm completely happy with, I would rather have close friends than many friends. I know even if we don't see each other whether it's twenty four hours, a few weeks, months and some years they are still their and we will always be in each others lives. Every time I call up a certain friend in Chicago it's like we saw each other yesterday. V is a reminder to me that those close to use never go away.

V is... an interesting character. Most creators I follow in the games space that have played Cyberpunk 2077 usually end up playing a woman V. And trust me I ain't gonna knock, because I understand for us the player, the character being "this" gender as to "this" gender just makes sense. It's why my Guardian in Destiny was a badass space-monk lady. *Sigh - Oh, Destiny(2). Sometimes you just know who your character is supposed to be from the jump. With Cyberpunk 2077 the stage is mostly set meaning you really only get to customize who your V is and how the respond to things. There is some light background choices and how you end up specking V as you play the game which effect various dialog options. For me V has and always will be a dude. The most dude. A real guys guy. One of the boys. But and this is the big 'but' in all the best ways. In the last decade true gold has been struck when it comes to exploring masculine characters. Thinking of B.J. Blazkowicz from the new Wolfenstein's (Bethesda... Todd, please let them just make the third game. I desire it Todd.) An updated Leon Kennedy from both the Resident Evil 2 and 4 remakes. And finally my big beautiful boy, V. They are all in conversation with masculinity in some truly joyous ways. When looking at any of these characters they come across tough, muscly and probably a little rude if they were to open their mouths. These characters couldn't be more the opposite. They all exude some star qualities that any man could learn from. Softness. Resolve. Care. Knowing when you're wrong. I could keep going.

Honing back in on V - also, sorry I know this was supposed to be vacation to Night City but V is like the value for this equation - V can be played mean. I've never done it personally because I just don't want to. That's not V to me. What I like about the male V, is how he delivers some of the line choices you can make. What's revealed through consistent dialog is V can be, and is the biggest softy ever. V comes from Night City one of the ugliest places on earth. It even has an open wound called Dogtown. Picture someone vomiting glitter and that's Night City. Saturn, why would you want to escape here, I can hear you asking. Because I love filth, ya nerds. V through it all can be played very soft. He is someone who listens to those around him. Can be firm in his choices, if a little stubborn, but even that, the other side of V's coin is important. He fumbles constantly and its obvious to him and those around him. He can be played to learn from his mistakes, taking to heart what those around him ask of him. It's truly some spectacular work from V's male voice actor Gavin Drea. What comes across is a V that is kind of a goofball that just wants the people in his life to be happy. And you know what? So do fucking I.

Night City and V are a firm reminder to me to live my life. When I am doing anything in Night City I'm reminded of the life outside the digital playground. I'm reminded of the people in my life, the people not in my life all just trying to get by in a world that seems to spin on whatever access it desires. It lets me go out into my own life and connect with anyone I may encounter that day knowing we are probably both just doing our best. I'm not expecting everyone to be thinking constantly about others, no. That would be exhausting, but it is a grounding excercise in looking at what's in front of me, in a very chaotic world and asking "Ok, what can I do with this? How can I be the best me in this moment? For this person, these people, etc.

The world is big beautiful and chaotic and I wrestle with it daily. It's not something I want to wrestle with daily, and it doesn't always mean its a bad wrestle. Sometimes its the freaking Smackdown, we're putting on a show together. Night City and I are putting on a show together. I'm learning finally... finally to live my life. It only took till my mid thirties. Better late than never. And I'm going to enjoy the ride, because I don't know where it's going to take me but I get to get in the ring every single day and put on a fucking damn good show. And yeah sometimes I'm going to walk out beat to hell, but I'll be right back the next day.

One more photo because I just like it. It's my news letter I can do whatever I want.

-Saturn